You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
