Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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