he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
