I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
