I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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