thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
