splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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