My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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