I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
