Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
