We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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