Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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