We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
