3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
