Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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