Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
