if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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