But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
