I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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