I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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