why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
