Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
