I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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