watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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