someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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