Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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