Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wear drunk well.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
