Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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