Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
