i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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