i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police