she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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