Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure