now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...