Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks