when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.