do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
