this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
