Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
