i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
