I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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