i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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