Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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