i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
