great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My hand turned me down
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
