Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
