please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she smelled like a LAN party
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
