"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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