is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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