Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
