Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
