How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
