I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
