She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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