it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
