I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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