Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
