Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
