Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
