I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
