There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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