When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
