i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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