I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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