I am midnight drunk by noon
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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