Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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