Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's the barista slut.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
