If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
