I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
