Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
