i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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