i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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