She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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