I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
