My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just crazy horny about you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
