my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
pop tarts are not kleenex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
