I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
