there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
