I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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