I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize