Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
