but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
