I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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