she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
