Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
